


Jagged Little Pieces

by Point_of_no_return



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Cooking, Dan's NY Times Chili Recipe, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, M/M, Post Season Six, learning to cook
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:48:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27444385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Point_of_no_return/pseuds/Point_of_no_return
Summary: David is trying to cook a big pot of chili and things go a little awry...
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 8
Kudos: 41
Collections: Kitchen Adventures





	Jagged Little Pieces

**Author's Note:**

> This is a kitchen blunder story  
> Thank you to [Tailor1971](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tailor1971/pseuds/Tailor1971) for helping with the ideas and beta reading.
> 
> I was getting so deeply choked up from watching Biden's speech tonight, a speech so Presidential and hopeful, that I almost didn't mention it here. This was a beautiful day for the USA and I just wanted to acknowledge that.

Chili was not David’s forte, but damn did he love it when Patrick made David’s favorite New York Time’s recipe he’d picked up at a Williams Sonoma cooking class he’d taken before moving to Schitt’s Creek. Actually, scratch that, David didn’t pay attention to anything but the handsome cook who had a buttery smooth English accent. An accent so thick and lovely, David wanted the guy to read him the phone book.

Right as autumn danced into town and the leaves were beginning to change color, David went searching for his favorite [recipe](https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/7985-turkey-chili) to prepare for Patrick when he came home from work. In fact, he was so excited for the cool weather, he decided to have the entire family over for dinner. 

Just as David was adding the last few ingredients into the slow cooker Marcy bought the men as a wedding gift, and getting the cornbread muffins into the oven, David was puzzled that the bay leaves he’d added looked a little too hard and plasticky for his taste. 

He’d never really understood the need for foliage in a pot of chili, but the recipe called for two bay leaves regardless. Since Patrick or Johnny usually made this chili for him, he didn’t realize a necessary ingredient would be so stubborn. David fished the leaves out of the slow cooker and began breaking them into smaller pieces hoping they would eventually dissolve into the mixture. He even mixed the chili vigorously and turned the heat up a little, yet the little fuckers just kept their shape. 

Right around the time David was about to start yelling at the chili, Patrick walked in from his workday and placed his jacket on the rack next to the door. 

Just like always, Patrick placed his keys on the table and walked into the kitchen where he saw his adorable husband wearing a checkered black and white apron tapping his foot and waving his hands around like he was casting a spell into their slow cooker.

“What do you fucking want from me?!” David yelled and sputtered about. It was adorable how David could get so worked up in the kitchen. It had been a long day and all Patrick longed for was to hold his husband. He tip-toed over and wrapped his arms around David’s torso, his warm, wet lips met David’s neck, in an effort to calm him. “Oh! Hi, husband,” David said warmly but still with a hint of tension as he glared at his creation in front of him.

“Bad day, babe?” Patrick asked, taking his hands back slightly to rub at David’s sides. 

“Hmmf, no, it’s just, these _fucking_ bay leaves didn’t break up and they’re pissing me off.”

Patrick stopped his movement. “Y-you didn’t s-say ‘break them up as in-‘“

“Yes, Patrick! I finally had to break the leaves in tiny pieces so they would mix into the chili! _What_?!”

“Oh, David,” Patrick said on a sigh and with sympathy. 

“Oh David, what?! I did what the recipe called for! I swear this has been a bigger failure than the enchiladas!”  
  
Patrick, having known full-well about the enchiladas incident, was about to break David’s heart a little.

“But babe, the leaves are supposed to remain intact. You take them out when the chili is done. Y-you haven’t made chili before?”

“No, why would I?” Patrick blinked at him. “Stop giving me those owl eyes, I am doing my best!”

Patrick took his hand that wasn’t holding the ladle. “I know, Sweetheart. Look, you can do whatever you want, but your family will be here in an hour and if you don’t want them to choke on the bits and pieces of the bay leaves, you’ll need to fish them out.”

That’s when David looked back over at all of the jagged edges of the bits of leaves he’d broken up. “Oh for **fucks sake**!” He yelled and flailed his arms about. “And what if I don’t?”

“Like I said, it’s up to you, but I wouldn’t want to swallow that.”

“FINE! I’ll just fish these out. Please, Patrick, will you set the table and take care of the muffins in the oven?”

Patrick patted David’s severely tense back and kissed him on the cheek. “David, come here,” he whispered to his husband.

David went willingly into his husband’s arms, sporting a full-blown pout, and allowed Patrick to kiss him until he nearly melted into the starched blue button up and warm feel of stressed-washed jeans hitting his legs. “Thank you,” David whispered into Patrick’s neck.

“Alright, the tender moment is done,” Patrick announced, pulling David’s arms from his waist and setting about to clean the house for their guests. “Fish out the jagged pieces and if I can assemble two full leaves when you’re done, I’ll give you a back massage later with that Bergamot oil you love so much.”

“Okay,” David said with a sigh and turned back to his task. “Can you make me brownies too?”

“Do you want them slightly thick or rich and fudgy?”

“Fudgy, please.”

“You got it,” Patrick said as he was getting the mixing bowl out of the cabinet. He looked over at David and thought how lucky he was to get to have domestic moments like that. To know he just taught David something about cooking and they would always have moments like that. 

“Patrick?”

“Yes David?”

“Do we have any tweezers or forceps? There’s no way in hell I’m getting any headway on this bitch of a utensil.”  
  


…..45 minutes later….  
  


“How’s your progress, David? Guests are almost here,” Patrick called from the dining room table.  
  
“Ugh! I am missing one tiny piece that’s in the shape of a triangle and I can’t find it,” David groaned and then peered back into the pot using the magnifying lens.  
  
“Okay David, well it’s just one tiny piece, it’ll be fine.”  
  
David groaned feeling overly frustrated with the whole process, but then his husband was kissing him and making everything okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Of course David received the massage he so rightfully deserved for fitting all of the leaves together.
> 
> Also, here is the recipe my family and I enjoy making that Dan Levy shared on his Instagram!  
> https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/7985-turkey-chili


End file.
